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How Dear Leader Made Know-Nothing Forever Safe

How Dear Leader Made Know-Nothing Forever Safe
(A Murkan Fairy Tale)

Once upon a time in the land of Know-Nothing there lived a lot of happy peasants who drove Big Cars and watched Big-Screen TVs. Things were very good there, so long as no one asked anything, especially where their Big Cars and Big-Screen TVs came from.

One day Know-Nothing's High Priests in Black Robes decided they needed a new Ruler, and so they chose a lad who was born with a magic silver spoon in his mouth. This magic silver spoon conferred upon him the wondrous ability to never make mistakes. He was dubbed "Dear Leader" and the people were told not to complain. And the good peasants of Know-Nothing happily complied, because they could continue to drive their Big Cars and watch their Big-Screen TVs.

Dear Leader wasn't the smartest ruler they'd ever had. And he wasn't the bravest either. In fact, many wrong-minded trouble-makers grumbled about him. But the good people of Know-Nothing ignored them and went about their merry way.

Then one day something terrible happened. Know-Nothing was attacked by the mean people of Evilville — for no reason at all! That's just how evil the people of Evilville were!

Many innocent peasants were killed.

The people were afraid — nothing like this had ever happened in their land before. And so they turned to Dear Leader to protect them.

The attack magically transformed Dear Leader into a smart and brave ruler, which comforted the scared and confused people of Know-Nothing.

Dear Leader, who was now smart and brave, decided to attack the evil people of Standinia. Some of the wrong-headed trouble-makers grumbled that Standinia had nothing to do with Evilville. But Dear Leader said that attacking Standinia would make the people of Know-Nothing safer, and the peasants told the wrong-headed trouble-makers to be quiet. After all, the people of Standinia looked an awful lot like the people of Evilville, and somebody had to pay for what Evilville had done to the peasants of Know-Nothing.

After killing and raping many of the old and young evildoers of Standinia Dear Leader smartly and bravely taunted them further by saying "Bring it On!" before killing and torturing many more of their evil old and young people.

And somehow, because Dear Leader never made a mistake, Know-Nothing was made safe once again, and was nevermore attacked. And the peasants continued to drive their Big Cars and watch their Big-Screen TVs.

And, what's more, even the people of Standinia were happy too! They were grateful to Dear Leader because he had ridded them of their evil young and old people. The people of Standinia could now drive Big Cars and watch Big-Screen TVs too — just like the good people of Know-Nothing.

And so everyone was safer and lived happily ever after — thanks to Dear Leader!