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New Party Favors

In honor of the nadir recently attained by the congressional kindergarten antics that "democracy" in Murka has devolved to, I've decided that it's time to update the symbols of the two factions of the ruling corporate party.

The political cartoonist Thomas Nast's original symbols no longer carry whatever resonance they once may have possessed. Here's his original political cartoon that forever cemented the symbols of the two factions:

Nast cartoon

What the fuck is that? Buncha animals doin' stuff that doesn't make any sense. It was probably just as stupid in its time too.

But somehow the donkey and the elephant stuck, and they eventually morphed into these brand logos:

stupid democratic donkey stupid republican elephant
Stupid Democratic Donkey Stupid Republican Elephant

(You can read each faction's phony-baloney rationale for their symbols, if you really give a shit.)

It's time to re-invest the symbols with an immediacy, a potency that people will intuitively grasp. Hence I offer some suggestions to replace each party's outmoded symbol. There's a variety to choose from, and they were specially designed so that even the most obtuse intellect can easily ken their symbolic significance.

Here, then, are my suggestions for each party's new symbols, freely offered without any licensing restrictions.

New Symbols for the Demoncraps

The Windsock The Windsock
The Jellyfish The Jellyfish
Trixie Trixie, The Inflatable Fuck Lamb
Skid Mark A Skidmark
Ben Dover Ben Dover
(aka "Mr. Fistee")
Blue Dumpster The Blue Dumpster in the middle

New Symbols for the Repugnicans

The Piledriver The Piledriver
Republican Piranha The Piranha
The Obedience Chair The Obedience Chair
Rapture Bomb The Raytheon HUAC-2007 Rapture Bomb
Dick Cheney Dick Cheney
Red Dumpster The Red Dumpster on the far right

And while I'm at it, I think it's time to update Uncle Sam too.

Murka's New Uncle

Uncle Sam Murka's Stodgy, Flaccid Old
Uncle Sam
Uncle Nemesis Murka's Virile, Exciting New
Uncle Nemesis

New Times call for New Symbols. I want to do my bit to help re-brand Murka so that people will have a clearer idea of just what's being sold.

A big Inspector Lohmann Hat Tip to Operative Alfie, Operative Picante, and Mister Mark. Thank you!